When you take a look around at your favorite blogs out there you’ll find that most amateur ones have a similar theme of entries asking forgiveness, apologies for not writing so often, and a promise to try harder. While most folks seem genuinely sorry for their lack of conviction in keeping a post going every week or whatever, I’ve always found it to be a silly and slightly conceited thing to apologize for. I can’t really imagine their readers, sitting there patiently, anxiously waiting for the next piece of prose and genuinely angry for having not received it in a timely manner. But I’ve begun to realize, at least for myself, that this apology isn’t really for the reader at all, but more accurately, an apology to myself.
For those of us living with the seasons, spring signals a time of transition, but for some of us, it’s an actual transition where we’re forced to move, find a new job, home, and life. I’ve been living out these seasonal transitions for the better part of a decade, each fall returning to the mountains of Utah that I’ve begun to think of as home, and each spring setting off on a new adventure until the air grows crisp and the snowflakes call me back.
Taken in the light right, and in the right state of mind, these times can be tremendous opportunities for personal growth and reflection. Like breaking up damaged scar tissue or applying an elbow to a knot of muscle, these are the times to throw away bad habits and establish priorities and practices of mindfulness.
For my part, this time around has been pretty successful, I’m cycling and running and practicing yoga every day, I’ve found a job and am managing to balance my time there and at home fairly well, but there are still things I’m neglecting, things I want to be part of my life, part of my every day that I haven’t found time for, and for me, this is where the apology comes in.
Like making a grocery list, I find it incredibly helpful to write things down, to dos, goals, ideas, anything really. In many ways these lists, these notes are incredibly helpful in getting things done, a nagging reminder if you will. Some things you’re likely to forget when you just forge ahead with your day and for me, a simple written note is enough to be that string on my finger to act as a reminder. This time around I’m going to share my letter with you. Why not?
While I’ve managed to establish these other practices in my life, the time to sit and write, evolve my thoughts and share them is something I’ve neglected, by apologizing to myself I’m hoping to create some accountability with this practice. I don’t believe this will turn it into something I feel obligated to do, but something I’m persistent about reminding myself what’s important to me. So here it is.
I’m sorry for not writing so much recently, I’ve let a lot of things get in the way and my practice here has suffered. I’d like to take more time every day to write just a little bit, to help organize my thoughts and maybe share them with others willing to listen. This is important to me and it makes me feel better and more calm having taken the time to write and I’d like to make it a practice. Every day I’m faced with situations and realizations that make apparent to me the connections of our human lives with the natural world, our actions for and against the environment. This is a most precipitous time to be alive and witness great change. I hope that through my observations, thought, action and reflections I can capture some of this interplay in words and influence others to pursue a lifestyle more enjoyable and less damaging to the earth and ourselves. I’ll need luck, strength, and help, but if I remember that this practice gives purpose to my life I will make an honest effort.
Because I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and dawgonnit, people like me.